This title was clever until someone broke it
Here’s a riddle for you: How is a Prince like a prince?
Leave your dictionary at the door. It’s no use here. In real life a prince is a kind of noble, but in Homestuck the cast is all princes and princesses anyway so we’re fucked. Besides, classes don’t describe mortal jobs and never did. Jade is a Witch, not a Physicist. And John’s not a Comedian; he’s an Heir. Their classes give them “jobs” but they do them for the story instead of money.
So let’s play around with narrative roles. For this, I’ll make up a fanon aspect that runs on fairy tale logic. Let’s call it Charm. It governs enchantments, spellcasters, and things you do with your mouth.
Oh yeah. And living happily ever after.
Anyway. Fairy tales. How about Snow White. There’s pretty much no way you don’t know the story. She eats a poison apple, slips into a coma, and then this dude shows up. What’s on his agenda for the day? Smooch a dead girl, break the spell, live happily ever after. What a cool guy.
Sleeping Beauty. Same shit, different witch. The girl is cursed. A dude shows up. He breaks the spell and she wakes up. They make out. Also in some versions of these he has to kill the witch/fairy/goblin? I think. I’m pretty sure.
The point being, he has to be a prince for this shit to work. He breaks the spell and slays the monster. And apparently he is so good at kissing that nobody could ever compete with him. He would destroy them. He is Prince Charming, the Prince of Charm.
(You probably figured this out already but “Charm” is kind of just Breath. Remember Tavros? Yeah, canon aspects are really general.)
So this is starting to make sense, and that’s great. What happens with other aspects though? That happy ending thing isn’t looking so likely anymore. Our Prince transforms into a moody Byronic hero. Frighteningly competent as ever, he feels alienated from society, or trapped in a role he sees as limiting. In his pride, he might do something really rash and mess things up for everybody.
And this is where we turn to mythology again because Homestuck is a story about becoming a god and gods are characters in their own stories. Stories where they have supporting characters, or sidekicks. Sidekicks like… Satan.
Yes, that Satan. Literally the devil Satan from Christianity. He was God’s favorite angel or whatever and he wouldn’t settle for the role God gave him and he started a rebellion and said “I AM SO GREAT! I COULD BE GOD TOO!” and God was all like “no you can’t” and swatted him out of heaven. Ouch. At least I think that’s how Milton told it but with less bitchslapping and more words and some of them rhymed.
Satan has a bunch of names and forms and it’s not always clear if he’s the same guy as Lucifer or Beelzebub (not “Beezlebub”) but nobody wants to say the real one, whatever it might be, so they use these epithets like “Prince of Lies” and “Prince of Darkness” to refer to him in the abstract. Whatever you call him, he’s The Destroyer, The Enemy, the force that gives you what you think you want but always twists it somehow so it ruins you because that’s the kind of guy he is. I mean he did it to himself already, right?
The moral of the story is, if you’re hanging out with Satan, you should watch your back, because he might be a Prince. I guess. Anyway there’s a lot to say about the writings of Wilde and Machiavelli but that can wait. Instead I’ll leave you with another evil riddle: What would a Prince of Truth look like?